Lies

I can't sit on it anymore. There is a lie being perpetrated on tv in the DC metro area.

I'm not talking about the "Real Housewives of DC," none of whom live in DC or have any business doing anything with important people in DC. This is an even bigger and more outrageous lie.

Rodney.

Have you seen the commercials? He is a lifeguard who claims to be saving people in the DC Metro area from their dull summers and horrible lives. Sounds great, right?

It isn't.

He is an Ocean City, Maryland lifeguard.

I've been to Ocean City, Maryland and it is not somewhere that I'd like to be rescued to... it is more of a place I'd like to be rescued from.

4 years ago the nonprofit I worked for took us all to OC for the day. Most people chose to go fishing out on the ocean (read: more than 50% of them got sea sick...fun!) but 4 of us chose the option of hanging on the beach for the day. We figured we could lounge in the sand, drink beer, throw the ball around and generally chill for the day.

OC had other plans for us. Would you like a list of things that aren't allowed in OC? You would!?

1. no music
2. no frisbee
3. no ball and glove
4. no drinking
5. no pets
6. no horseplay
7. no fun of any kind

They should change their name to "Dean Wormer's Favorite Beach."

The four of us ended up having to drink warm beer out of Quizno cups, and Tina nearly got arrested for being on the beach with a cooler.

So, just in case you were tempted to be "rescued" by Rodney, just remember that those commercials are lies, all lies.