Lies

I can't sit on it anymore. There is a lie being perpetrated on tv in the DC metro area.

I'm not talking about the "Real Housewives of DC," none of whom live in DC or have any business doing anything with important people in DC. This is an even bigger and more outrageous lie.

Rodney.

Have you seen the commercials? He is a lifeguard who claims to be saving people in the DC Metro area from their dull summers and horrible lives. Sounds great, right?

It isn't.

He is an Ocean City, Maryland lifeguard.

I've been to Ocean City, Maryland and it is not somewhere that I'd like to be rescued to... it is more of a place I'd like to be rescued from.

4 years ago the nonprofit I worked for took us all to OC for the day. Most people chose to go fishing out on the ocean (read: more than 50% of them got sea sick...fun!) but 4 of us chose the option of hanging on the beach for the day. We figured we could lounge in the sand, drink beer, throw the ball around and generally chill for the day.

OC had other plans for us. Would you like a list of things that aren't allowed in OC? You would!?

1. no music
2. no frisbee
3. no ball and glove
4. no drinking
5. no pets
6. no horseplay
7. no fun of any kind

They should change their name to "Dean Wormer's Favorite Beach."

The four of us ended up having to drink warm beer out of Quizno cups, and Tina nearly got arrested for being on the beach with a cooler.

So, just in case you were tempted to be "rescued" by Rodney, just remember that those commercials are lies, all lies.

Songs in My Head

I get songs stuck in my head very easily and then they don't go away for a long time.

Like right now, "Sugar Sugar" is stuck in my head and I have no idea why! I don't think I've heard it lately, but maybe it was playing in a restaurant or a passing car or something.

Last night I went to bed with Amy Grant's "Baby Baby" playing in my head because it is playing at the house party that Mr and Mrs Smith go to in the movie, Mr and Mrs Smith. It about drove me over the edge.

Earlier today I had "Louie Louie" playing, and that was thanks to someone I follow on Twitter mentioning the song in a tweet.

Although it seems that there is a requirement for the song to be both old and have a name that is the same word repeated, that is not the case. It is just as easy to get a refrain of a new song stuck in there, which can be even worse! Nothing is worse than having a song in your head and not being able to finish it.

Remember the South Park episode where Cartman had to finish "Come Sail Away" any time anyone started it? Well, that is how I feel about songs in my head - sometimes I can get relief from them if I sit there and focus through the end of the song.

I realize that this post may make it seem that I've come completely unhinged, but here's hoping that at least one other person out there is reading this and thinking "me too!" and "dang it! now I have "Baby Baby" stuck in MY head!" (sorry)

I'm Excited About: Top Chef DC

Top Chef is back! And this season is in DC! It is fun to see the landmarks that I pass every day, and figure out which building rooftop the crew is on, and scan the crowds of guests for a familiar face. It is also fun to realize how ridiculous some of the voice overs are; "Mt Vernon, one of America's best known historical sites".... actually, I bet less than 50% of Americans would recognize Mt Vernon for what it is on sight.

I'm having trouble attaching to any particular contestants this season. While there are already a few culinary standouts, no one has shown the kind of personality that has been around in the last couple of seasons. The Las Vegas cast was just too good, I guess.

Perhaps as the season goes on and the bottom of the pack is culled, things may get more interesting. In the mean time, take a moment to remember how many good chefs have come from this metro area - Carla, Spike, Voltagio the elder, not bad for a city that no one calls home. Another side note, Spike is opening his new pizza place in July. It is next door to his "Good Stuff Eatery" on the Hill, and will be called "We the Pizza." If you like his burgers (which I do), give his pizza a shot this summer.

And, good on you DC! A Real World season and a Top Chef season, back to back - what's next? Jersey Shore: Our Nation's Capital? I would pay big money to see Snooki as a Hillturn.

Ralph Wiggum 2.0

I'm sure many of you are familiar with the popular animated tv show "The Simpsons," and even with the lovable classmate of Bart's named Ralph Wiggum. Ralph has a high pitched voice and says things that usually could go without saying.

I have a particular love for little Ralph because of the nonsense he spews and because of a time in my life when my little brother and his friend would spout off Ralph's quotes at random. Some of my favorites are:

"When I grow up I want to be a teacher, or a caterpillar"

"My fingers taste like fish sticks"

"I sleep in a drawer"

Well, I have good news - there is a new Ralph Wiggum (2.0 if you will) on tv and her name is Brittany. She is a spacey cheerleader and member of the glee club on Glee. So far this season she has given us:

"Did you know that dolphins are just gay sharks?"

"Sometimes I forget my middle name"

"Her sweater makes her look home schooled"

"When I pulled my hamstring I went to a misogynist"

I love this character, and I hope she keeps delivering these lines!

Glee!

So, a few months ago when Frank and I moved back to Arlington we gave up cable tv. We used to pay way too much money for Comcast because we have an awesome television so naturally we had to get the HD service and DVR and a million channels, etc etc.

Anyway, we thought we'd give 'no cable' a try. So far, we've cut our monthly bill by $100 a month, signed up for Netflix, and caved and bought a digital converter box (modern day rabbit ears).

When we, and by we I mean Frank, bought the converter box I was happily reunited with some of the simple pleasures in life; Grey's Anatomy, The Office, Alex Trebek, etc. But, tonight I'm being reunited with GLEE!

And if Frank finds out, the digital converter box may disappear - so try to keep it on the down low for a few more hours, ok?

Top Chef Outrage

Frank watches Top Chef, which means I also watch Top Chef. We have completely different experiences watching the show: Frank enjoys the cooking/food part of it, and I spend my time deciding which contestants I love and which ones I can't stand.

The season just ended and of the three finalists I loved two and couldn't stand one...guess which one won. The one I don't like. He is the younger brother of one of the other finalists and he has a HUGE chip on his shoulder about life. What a punk.

I told Frank that if he won over the other two guys (who were two of my very favorites from this season) I would never watch the show again! This is most likely untrue, but I may stick to my guns for at least the beginning of the next season.

I understand that the competition is week to week, but I really think the final round should be cumulative. I mean, really. This season's winner is such a jerk in the kitchen, he is a real Eddie Haskell if you ask me.

Now we're watching the reunion show (DVR'd, we never watch live TV) and I still think that the wrong guy won.

Cleanliness is next to Godliness

And you don't want to piss off God!

That is actually a quote from a dorky show I watch on Mondays, and by "on Mondays" I mean at some point later in the week after my classes are over, so Thursday/Friday/Saturday. Needless to say I haven't seen this week's episode yet, so there aren't any spoiler alerts here...

I actually want to sing the praises of clean. I love clean, clean makes me happy, clean makes me calm, clean lets me sleep better at night.

My wonderful amazing thoughtful husband vacuumed our dining area the other day because the roof had fallen in again (long story and I don't want to talk about it) and I didn't ask him to do it! I came home on Monday and as I gathered my things for sewing I noticed that the ceiling bits were missing from the carpet - I looked up to see if the ceiling was fixed (it was not) and since it wasn't I figured out that my wonderful amazing thoughtful husband had vacuumed! It made my day, and I slept better.

I don't know when this happened, and Mom, I'm sorry it didn't happen sooner, but I love it. I feel like I'm always picking up the apartment, and for some people it would get annoying but the end result is SO worth the 10-15 minutes it takes.

I have class tonight, and I won't get home until around 10pm but when I do get home I'll feel great because our home is clean...or at least it was when I left this morning, and that is enough to calm my soul for now.

I'm not your target audience

I have a tv at my desk at work. The official reason for it is that I need to be able to track/watch/summarize hearings when Congress is really in the swing of things. With Financial Services "reform" being a hot topic for this congress, sometimes there are too many hearings for our consultants and my boss to cover so I get to pick up a few.

In practice having the tv means I watch the news ALL DAY EVERY DAY. I have acquired a few habits and talents like:
- I can reach for the remote and hit the mute button without missing a key stroke while typing an email
- I can measure my lunch break by which program is on when I leave and which one is on when I come back
- I can sing every version of the FreeCreditReport.com commercial

I've also noticed that I don't see the same commercials at work that I see when I watch tv at home. And according to my own study, it seems that the advertisers believe the overwhelming population of news-watchers to be A) poor B) old C) looking for a quick buck. The majority of commercials are for gold - "it has never been worth zero" - powerchairs/scooters or dentures/denture paste - "if medicare denies your claim we'll give you your powerchair or scooter for free"/"so long ooziness" - and class action law suits - "call 1-800-BAD-DRUG". This does not make me look forward to being old, but it does make me grateful for my employer and knowing that I won't be desperate enough to use my life's savings to 'buy gold' from some Law & Order actor on tv.

And WHY is Campbell's soup marketing their new fresh veggie soups under the V8 name?? Have you ever met anyone who actually enjoys a V8 product? I know I haven't. Yet I know loads of people that love Campbell's Soup products - so why not market it as the new seasonal/fall Campbell's Soups?

Sometimes I wish I had gone into advertising