Thursday, August 4, 2011


Elevators and I have issues.  I have always had these issues, but living in urban space makes them much more prominent.

You see, in SC there are significantly fewer elevators than there are in DC.  I didn't realize the extent of my issues until I moved to the Land Where One Cannot Be Inconvenienced By Stairs.  (don't get me started on the reactions to broken escalators...oh, the humanity)

Elevators have doors that close automatically.  There is a button that one can press to hold an elevator door open, it is often placed next to the button one can press to close the elevator doors.  This causes my issues.

At some point in my life, my slightly dyslexic brain told me to push the 'close faster' button when I intended to push the 'stay open longer' button.  (my autotext just turned button into byron.  really?)  This was traumatic for me because, 1) an older woman was trying to get into the elevator and 2) there were other people on the elevator who witnessed my unintentionally savage act.  To the others on the elevator with me, it looked like I looked the older woman in the eyes, smiled politely, and then mashed the 'close faster' button, thereby doing the elevator equivalent of slamming a door in her face.

As you can see, this incident has never left me.

Today, just now, I tried to hold the elevator for a man in my office building.  Still harboring a fear and distrust for the 'stay open longer' button, I reached out to grab the door and trigger the 'I'm programmed to not crush children' mechanism.  IT DID'T STOP THE DOOR FROM CLOSING!

The elevators, they have it out for me and my attempts to maintain some politeness in this city.  I will not bend to you, I will not stand in the back with my face in my phone so as to ignore those rushing toward me! 

At least this time it was obvious that I tried.  Maybe next time I'll even be successful...

1 comment:

  1. Just so you know...your problem is a way. Our brains work differently but the result is the same. I have always had to stop and think through the greater than and lesser than arrows. (really helps explain my ancient lop-sided SAT scores.) The open and close on elevators make me the time I remember which is which I usually have hesitated too long. So try not to be too hard on yourself. Apparently, it is a family weakness. Used several elevators today in fact and was so relieved that no one came rushing up!